Heh-heh…you know what came to mind? Kissing. I am really good at kissing. I could tell stories about people I have kissed and their reaction to my kisses but…lovers don’t kiss and tell. Do they?
Oh what the heck. Kissing it is.
If I were a kissing instructor, I would begin by being didactic, telling the students that there are many types of kisses.
There are air kisses, pointed at the cheeks of someone, or even air-lip kisses, pointed at the lips but not exactly meeting them. You know the ones. You approach at first, not really sure that the person is a kisser or if you even want to kiss them but feel some kind of obligement to kiss, at least at them or make contact somehow.
There are plant kisses, wet lip kisses that hit their intended mark with almost a bump. Sometimes when you make a contact like this one you may even end up with a swollen lip from catching a tooth. One has to be careful when kissing. It can be a challenging sport.
There are smooch kisses, kisses where you can actually hear them, thus the name, smooch. These kisses almost feel like kisses where the person intended to bite off a piece they could chew but ended up settling for a “smooch.”
There are deep kisses, the ones where, even when you hear the phrase, deep kisses, that feeling goes to your bottom, filling you out ever so slightly. Don’t pretend you didn’t feel that when I said deep.
There’s the peck, commonly something you do to your loved one, probably your mom or dad, maybe even your sister or brother.
There’s the cheek to cheek peck which is a little different than the peck-peck as you probably have your face schmooshed up against the other persons face already and you just lean your lips over to get your lips on them giving them a peck. As if you aren’t there already.
There’s the hold-the-other-persons face in your hand kiss. This one comes for several reasons. One, you haven’t seen them in a long time and you want to be sure to get a good look at them while you are kissing them. Two, you haven’t seen your lover in a long time and you want to smear them with kisses. Three, your precious little ones, whom you love dearly, whom you want to be sure to get as many kisses on to before they leave.
There are head kisses and toe kisses that you give your baby. I am not excluding toe kissing as a sexual experience but I don’t think those fit into the strictly kissing category, do you? Tall people are particularly good at head kisses. They take aim and et voila’.
There are back kisses you give your lover, squeezing them as you hold them probably because you are happy, i.e. just had sex.
There is the romantic kiss. The romantic kiss is harder to teach because those kisses come in many forms and there are many reasons for the various forms.
However, in an effort to respond to the task at hand, let up proceed.
First of all, let's say you love your partner, spouse, mate, etc. and feel very connected to them, in tune, as it were. The way one kisses depends on the way one feels about their partner. If you are the least bit shy or reticent or overwhelmed, your kisses may not be of the following style. So it is imperative that you be completely connected with your lover in order for this kind of romantic kiss to work.
It also requires that you be in tune with your lover. There are some lovers who think too much while kissing. Those that are trying to show you the way they kiss and completely and utterly miss the mark because while they are thinking you are being and the two don’t mix. Think of this style of kissing as the Zen of Kissing.
Then there are those who are unconscious in their kissing. Men and women who give you full on, open mouth, tongue wagging, gonna slobber all over you kissers where you need a towel afterwards. These are the “I’m gonna swallow you” or “suck you into a hole kissers” who…well anyway. What are they thinking? Kissing is for fun folks. I am not interested in viewing your esophagus. But I digress.
Kissing, as a lover, is a full body experience. That’s right, class, a full body experience. One needs to have ones body fully connected to the other with no space in between. As your kissing progresses so does the body and one must be connected in order for that to happen. Also, there is the art of kissing one part of the body at a time but I won’t be discussing that today. We are staying with the mouth.
Oh, and by the way, the mouth. Oral hygiene is important. If you have just had a salami sandwich or a pepperoni pizza or a bottle of beer, I think you can see where I am going. It is not a good idea to do any kissing on a full stomach, unless you are both full of whatever. There are always exceptions.
First, part your lips slightly. Don’t pooch them out for the smooch kiss style. Keep them soft and limber but on alert. As your lover’s mouth approaches yours or you theirs there will be minute signals that each of you are sending and that placid-but-alert-mouth approach ensures your lips will respond and follow suit. This first response is such that you are so in tune that your lover does something and the mouth, like a Pavlovian dog, responds. It is like the lips are saying thank you, I like that, do it again please, more.
As your lips meet you may respond but take your time. There is no hurry up when it comes to kissing. Sex, perhaps, can be a hurry up situation but kissing, really good kissing, no. One must take the appropriate amount of time to ensure that the kissee and kisser are satisfied by the whole experience and therefore if one is in a hurry, the other may be left wanting. One does not want ones lover wanting. (See me after class if you have any questions.)
The response, as noted above, will be in various forms. The sweet lick, the nibble, the teasing torment of the tongue, any of those will suffice, however, there may be other things your lips would like to do that may be of value to ones lover as well. I say respond, especially if your body is engaged, but not too big, too soon, or too much. Kissing is an art, not a battle, and one must always take the posture of least resistance.
Once your mouths are connected, the tongue comes into play. Some kissers and kissees are very aggressive thinking that their lovers are a plate of ice cream or a crispy pretzel to be chewed on. I say patience, again, is a virtue. Also, there are play scripts that one may think they should follow when kissing. I disagree. What worked once may not work again. Take your time, see what your partner may be interested in and go with that. Try flat mouth kissing. Try open mouth kissing. Try tongue kissing. Try it all until your lover seems to be in sync with you and you with them. However, not too much too soon. Many a lover has stepped aside saying no thank you when the lover has taken off too fast.
Also, a word to the men. Man on man kissing can be quite hard and direct. Women, most often, like things soft and slow. If you are a person who likes men and women, be sure to adapt your technique to adjust to the various sexes with whom you are partaking. Of course this is not a hard and fast rule. Many women like what I call “crunchy kissing” as well. But in general, this is a good guideline.
So, to recap. Here’s an outline.
Slow and easy.
Lips slightly parted.
Respond to your lover’s signals.
Use tongue sparingly unless you are into the sex act.
Teeth are okay but gently please.
Smooching can be a good thing.
That’s it for my kissing 101 class. See me after if you want to enroll in the 201 class next semester.